Yeah, I’m an Achievement whore.  I guess it’s the RPG geek in me.  Achievements are like quests or gear or gold and they can be just as addictive to obtain as any other phat lewtz.  The competitive side of me is a sucker for em as well.  What better way of determining whom is better than whom than with arbitrary numbers?

Despite the brilliance of the Achievement concept, some developers appear to put as much thought into their implementation as someone who’s trying to write their name on the ground with their own feces.  Here is my attempt at enlightening those responsible for these fecal accidents:

• Time spent != challenging.  I’m all for Achievements that are so frustrating to complete that you end up despising every moment you are working for them.  *cough* Little Rocket Man.  *cough* Mile High Club.  At least once you finally earn them, you feel you actually accomplished something few others could.  However, Achievements that are “difficult” only because they require some ridiculous amount time to “achieve” only serve to quantify how sad our gaming lives really are.  We don’t need that.

• Single player achievements should be possible to complete in one play through.  Multiple playthrough’s to find some odd, hidden item in a level is one thing.  Multiple playthrough’s because you have to complete the game on each difficulty level, indepedantly, is another.  Yes, Devil May Cry, you may lick my balls.

• Take it easy on multiplayer Achievements.  If you have the remote inkling that your game is teh suck, don’t penalize the random person who picks up the game a year or two down the road only to find he’s the only one playing it online.  The time spent complaint also applies here to a number of online Achievements.  Gears of War + 10,000 online kills = seriously?

• Don’t outsmart your own game.  If you’re gonna hide shit throughout a level, don’t allow a player to accidentally progress to the next area while at the same time locking them out of the previous area.  Punishing people for a lack of clairvoyance only serves to grant them the clairvoyance to avoid your future games.  Kung Fu Panda, you’re kung fu is weak.

I could probably go on forever here, but then I might convince myself that these Achievements are even more pointless than I already know they are, so I’ll just leave it at these last few thoughts.  Well implimented Achievements can add value to the worst of games just as bad Achievements can add frustration to the best of games.  If you are going to err, err on the side of less suck.  No one will hate your game because the Achievements were too easy.